I was an insightful child, and I can recall an abnormal amount of my insights. I don't remember what I had for lunch three days ago, but I remember being a little kid and looking at my mom standing by the kitchen counter and thinking, "When I can see over the kitchen counter, that's when I'm officially grown up."
I also remember looking in the mirror before a birthday party in kindergarten (getting ready..?) and thinking wow, people would look a lot better if they just didn't have noses. I remember purposefully lying two feet away from my kindergarten boyfriend during nap time, and when the lights turned off I bravely and creepily whispered in his ear, "I like you." His response was, "Oh." I remember forcing said boyfriend to attend my smiley-face-themed birthday party that was otherwise all girls. I remember thinking very logically about the possibility of a Santa Claus and concluded that there was just no way. I got in a screaming fight with this girl at recess, and I distinctly remember my reasoning: "HE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH JESUS THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE." She was silenced. I feel guilty about it to this day. So that little girl already felt like she was supposed to look in a mirror before a party. She quickly found out that it's not "normal" for a girl to aggressively make the first move, and she noticed backfire when she questioned authority about a widespread belief amongst her peers. But she did it anyway. I now can see over the kitchen counter. I have 17 years of education under my belt and 23 years of life experience – listening and learning, seeking and finding. I still look in the mirror, because I value my self image. I tell my current boyfriend I like him all the time, and I usually get a decent response. And when I believe something is truly wrong, I fight it to the death.
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June 2016
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